A Grief That Can’t Be Spoken

Today was always going to be an emotional day for me. I was supposed to write about my miscarriage. However, as happens far too often in life, that emotional day will have to wait. You see, this week our family suffered a devastating tragedy. This week our precious, beautiful niece died from complications that stemmed from open heart surgery. She was only 27 years old.

A Grief That Can't Be Spoken

We are in mourning. We are still processing what happened– the events that led our niece to be on the operating table, the impact of her life on us and many, many others. I imagine this is the kind of thing you never get over. You really aren’t supposed to. Parents are not meant to outlive their children. And yet, it happens. It happens too often.. and the pain is unbearable regardless of the circumstances.

So, my thoughts are elsewhere right now.

  • How is it that the many little, inconsequential decisions we make every day have the most profound impact on the trajectory of our lives?
  • What kind of person will Sweet Pea grow up to be?
  • How much control, if any, do I ultimately have in shaping the person she will become?
  • How do you define impact? What does it mean to live a life that really matters to other people?
  • What kind of impact do I have on those around me? Is it positive? Negative? Negligible?
  • How can someone ever recover from overwhelming grief? Is it even possible?
  • What could have been?
  • Why was our niece’s life taken? Why her? Why now?

I can’t even begin to answer these questions. Not tonight. Maybe not ever.

However, I do know one source of comfort.. especially in times like this. God. After all, God certainly knows what it is like to lose a child… His son. His only son. I pray that my brother-in-law, and any other parent who is grieving the loss of a child, can take comfort in the fact that our Creator quite literally can understand the profound sense of loss that comes with this type of grief. I also think of Jesus’ interaction with the Widow at Nain— how he went out of his way to comfort her, to grieve with her.

We do not have a God who is detached, aloof, removed. We have a loving father who cares deeply for us… and when we hurt, He hurts too.

That actually is very comforting to me right now.

So, I will leave you with this– a few verses that are on my heart today, this week. If you are struggling with the death of a loved one, I hope they provide you a measure of comfort too:

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. ~Psalms 34:18 (NLT)

In all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. ~Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10 (NLT)

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give away and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. ~Psalms 46:1-3 (NIV)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. ~Deuteronomy 31:6 (NIV)

Thank you for reading,
Sara

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6 Comments

  1. I am so sorry for your loss. I am praying for you. God’s Word gives comfort where nothing else can–I am so glad we have it!

  2. I am so sorry for your loss and your family’s loss. It seems that it is extra hard when your own grief is overcome by a new loss. I think you can spend a lifetime pondering your deep questions. You’re in my thoughts and prayers, Sara.

    Thank you for featuring my post. It seems so trivial in the face of bigger problems.

  3. Through this tragedy, I understand your concern for Sweetpea. As we know, it doesn’t take a village to raise a child, but it does take dedicated parents and God (God first). Life has no guarantees, but each of knows that trying is a major part of the battle. Decisions, sometimes very hard to make, steer us in a direction that keeps us close to the God we worship. You and the family are in my prayers. I am SO grateful for yours and your husband’s faith in God and that He can do “all things” to strengthen you.

  4. Pingback: » A Grief That Can’t Be Spoken
  5. My eyes stung with tears as I read this. I am so sorry for your family’s loss! My 28th birthday was just last month, so it’s shocking to imagine that your niece was my age. It really causes me to take a deep look at my life. You never know when the Lord is going to call you home. I often find myself asking the same questions you asked in your post. One of the biggest is, “Will my life have left an eternal, lasting impact others’ lives?” I am so so sorry for the grief you and your brother-in-law are having to bear right now!

    One passage that is always a huge comfort to me during times like this is Romans 8:26-27 – “Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered. Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.” It’s such a comfort to know that when we don’t know what to pray or are just too grieved to pray, the Holy Spirit prays for us! I’m so thankful for God’s precious gift of His presence as the Holy Spirit living in us!

    1. Thank you so much for your kind, encouraging words. My husband was able to travel to be with his brother and the rest of the family so hopefully that will give some comfort. Of course, God is our ultimate comfort, right? Thanks for the additional scriptures too. I love Romans. So, so powerful. Thanks!

      Sara